Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
The ghost of Christmas past
Last year on Christmas, I remember thinking "I can't wait until next Christmas! DH will be almost done school, and I'll be at least pregnant, if we don't already have a baby!"
So where am I right now? Watching my baby sleep in his "Baby's First Christmas" jammies? Feeling my baby kick and thinking about pink vs. blue? Neither of the above. I'm sitting in a bath tub, drugged on Ativan. (The one benefit to being on my period on Christmas day, of all days, is I can at least drown my sorrows in sedatives.)
I'm wondering about next year. Where will next Christmas find me? I was full of hope last Christmas. I just knew I'd at least be pregnant by now. But the 1 little lonely pink line on my last pregnancy test assures me that I've lost the game again this month.
So here I am. It's Christmas day and I'm sitting alone in my bath tub, crying my eyes out. My husband doesn't get it. It's Christmas- my favorite day of the year! I prepared for today for months! I carefully knitted scarves and glued together snowmen ornaments. I wrapped presents and tied bows. I braved the black Friday sales and got DH the perfect gift. But I'm miserable. The thing I wanted most, Santa just couldn't bring. And as I think of my hopefulness last year, I wonder, will I ever get what I want the most? Next year, will I finally get to send out that Christmas card with the baby wrapped in the big bow proclaiming "It's my first Christmas!" Or will I find myself in a bathtub, wet and lonely, hoping next year.... Next year... Will finally be different?
"Santa can't bring me what I need, 'cuz, baby, all I want for Christmas is you."
So where am I right now? Watching my baby sleep in his "Baby's First Christmas" jammies? Feeling my baby kick and thinking about pink vs. blue? Neither of the above. I'm sitting in a bath tub, drugged on Ativan. (The one benefit to being on my period on Christmas day, of all days, is I can at least drown my sorrows in sedatives.)
I'm wondering about next year. Where will next Christmas find me? I was full of hope last Christmas. I just knew I'd at least be pregnant by now. But the 1 little lonely pink line on my last pregnancy test assures me that I've lost the game again this month.
So here I am. It's Christmas day and I'm sitting alone in my bath tub, crying my eyes out. My husband doesn't get it. It's Christmas- my favorite day of the year! I prepared for today for months! I carefully knitted scarves and glued together snowmen ornaments. I wrapped presents and tied bows. I braved the black Friday sales and got DH the perfect gift. But I'm miserable. The thing I wanted most, Santa just couldn't bring. And as I think of my hopefulness last year, I wonder, will I ever get what I want the most? Next year, will I finally get to send out that Christmas card with the baby wrapped in the big bow proclaiming "It's my first Christmas!" Or will I find myself in a bathtub, wet and lonely, hoping next year.... Next year... Will finally be different?
"Santa can't bring me what I need, 'cuz, baby, all I want for Christmas is you."
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Ally
DH and I got a kitty last week! Ally showed up on my co-workers porch and when she opened her door, ally walked right in! She wanted to find her a home before the weather turned off cold and we've been wanting a kitty, so we said we'd take her. I was nervous about how my dog buttons would react, but my neighbor has a cat who buttons gets along great with. So far it's been going really well!! I'm not a cat person by any means, but this little girl already has me wrapped around her little paw.
We took her to the vet two days after we brought her home and found out she had roundworm but is otherwise healthy. The vet gave her a pill for the roundworm and she's changed so much!! The roundworm made her lethargic so now she's much more energetic and happy. She plays more and is more adventurous. At first she wouldn't jump on anything or from furniture to furniture, now she's jumping up on the bed and the couch! This morning she got up in bed with us. :-)
In honor of our new baby, I made this blog layout kitten themed. :-)
Here's a picture of our new baby. I don't think I've posted one of buttons before so here's one of her too.
We took her to the vet two days after we brought her home and found out she had roundworm but is otherwise healthy. The vet gave her a pill for the roundworm and she's changed so much!! The roundworm made her lethargic so now she's much more energetic and happy. She plays more and is more adventurous. At first she wouldn't jump on anything or from furniture to furniture, now she's jumping up on the bed and the couch! This morning she got up in bed with us. :-)
In honor of our new baby, I made this blog layout kitten themed. :-)
Here's a picture of our new baby. I don't think I've posted one of buttons before so here's one of her too.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A few more pages in this chapter.
My mom warned me when DH and I got married that being married to a college student (and being the only one making
money) would be tough... Boy was she right. But still, I wouldn't trade being married for the world.
I was 18 when we started dating. Well, technically I was 2 days shy of my 18th birthday. DH was 3 months shy of his. We were graduating high school and making plans. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship before. It didn't take long before we were both head over heals. I think if we hadn't been so young, we'd have gotten married within a year of him asking me out. He changed everything I'd ever planned about waiting til my husband to be had a job and a house and a steady income. All I wanted was to be his wife.
I became his wife 3 years after we started dating. My mom said to wait. My dad was horrified that DH was doing this to his baby girl. They knew that it would be hard. They thought we couldn't handle it and we would break. They couldn't have been more wrong. Instead of breaking, we've become closer, stronger. I love DH more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person. And the same desire I had 5 and a half years ago is still the same today: all I want is to be his wife.
And this chapter will soon be ending. 2 weeks from tomorrow, I will be the proudest wife in attendance of the winter commencement ceremony. I'll watch my husband walk across the stage and receive his bachelor's degree in chemistry. It was hard, but it's almost over. I could cry, that thought makes me so happy. I miss my husband.
I wonder, what will the next chapter hold?
money) would be tough... Boy was she right. But still, I wouldn't trade being married for the world.
I was 18 when we started dating. Well, technically I was 2 days shy of my 18th birthday. DH was 3 months shy of his. We were graduating high school and making plans. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship before. It didn't take long before we were both head over heals. I think if we hadn't been so young, we'd have gotten married within a year of him asking me out. He changed everything I'd ever planned about waiting til my husband to be had a job and a house and a steady income. All I wanted was to be his wife.
I became his wife 3 years after we started dating. My mom said to wait. My dad was horrified that DH was doing this to his baby girl. They knew that it would be hard. They thought we couldn't handle it and we would break. They couldn't have been more wrong. Instead of breaking, we've become closer, stronger. I love DH more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person. And the same desire I had 5 and a half years ago is still the same today: all I want is to be his wife.
And this chapter will soon be ending. 2 weeks from tomorrow, I will be the proudest wife in attendance of the winter commencement ceremony. I'll watch my husband walk across the stage and receive his bachelor's degree in chemistry. It was hard, but it's almost over. I could cry, that thought makes me so happy. I miss my husband.
I wonder, what will the next chapter hold?
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