Back Story

I'm not sure if anyone will even read this. Maybe I'm just writing all this down to get it out of my head.
First you need some backstory:
DH and I have been married in 8-1-09. I was a school student then, going to technical school for dental assisting. The plan was for DH to work with his associates degree he'd gotten before we got married while I went to school, and once I'd graduated, we'd switch. So now he's the student. We'd also planned on trying to get pregnant about 6-8 months before he was due to graduate.
Jump to last summer, in June. I'm working, DH is about to start school. My mom calls me one day and tells me she thinks she's having a stroke and she's going to the ER. It was a mini stroke, not too severe, but now she's got numbness on half her body. She's still functional completely, but she's of course a higher risk for a future stroke. Plus, she has a higher risk of developing early onset Alzheimer's. Did I mention that her dad developed Alzheimer's around 60? That's really early... so my mom was already at risk.
I wanted to start TTC right away. My mom is supposed to be there while I'm in labor and knit baby blankets and hold my baby and baby sit. I felt like the longer I waited, the greater chance I had of her missing all of that. Plus, the reality had just set in double time that I cannot be an old mom. Our family history of Alzheimer's is so strong... and now add stroke? I refuse to do that to my kids. If I'm 55 when I have my last, how old will I be when they're in college? Can you imagine being in college and calling home to find out your mom has a terminal illness?
Since we'd been college students, we'd wanted to make sure we didn't have an oops baby, so I was on the depo provera. Worst decision of my entire life. I gained weight, I bled constantly, I had zero sex drive, and now this: I had my last shot in June of last year and it's still in my system. Back in September, when I should've gotten my shot, we decided to not get the shot and start trying to get pregnant. We expected it would take a few months for my cycle to regulate...
In January, I bled for the first time since going off the shot. (The irony is sickening- I bled constantly when I was on the shot and didn't want to, but once I went off the shot and I wanted my periods to start again, not a drop.) It was light and only last 3 days.
In March I bled again. This time it was heavier, and so much more painful. I was taking pamparin overlapping with ibuprofen and still in ridiculous stomach pain. I didn't care though, I was ecstatic that my period was back.
I started using ovulation tests a few days after my period had ended. I assumed cycle day 14, so I cried when it was negative that morning. But to my surprise, it was positive on cycle day 15! I actually had DH read it for me so he could break the bad news gently... and he just sticks his head out of the bathroom with a huge smile on his face and says "Baby..." The test line was darker than the control line. We were so excited...
We had done everything perfect. We'd done the baby dance on CD13, so 2 days before ovulation, and on CD15, the day I ovulated. Just like the "experts" recommend.
CD 16 I woke up so nauseated I couldn't eat. I went to work but I felt like crap. I told my co-workers I thought I was getting sick. Some of them I'd texted the day before, celebrating my positive OPK. They looked at me knowingly and I got my hopes up. I thought for sure you couldn't show symptoms that early, but the moms in the group all shared with me their stories and how they knew the day after the conceived. They assured me that if I was, my boobs would start to hurt.
They were completely right about my boobs being sore, let me tell you. Once over the following weekend, I rolled onto my side in my sleep and the soreness of touching my boob woke me up. I was also running a low grade fever, peeing constantly, having headaches daily on the sides to back of my head, and I ate pizza everyday... once for breakfast.
DH and I were getting concerned at how bad the boob soreness was because my right one was 10 times worse. I was afraid I was developing a cyst, so on Tuesday I headed out to my doctor. I didn't make it very far before a car coming off a side street ran right into the side of my car. The seatbelt around my stomach kept me from moving, but as soon as it happened I started having horrible stomach pain. I panicked, I thought the crash caused a miscarriage.
The ER did blood work as soon as I arrived to see if I was pregnant. The results took 45 minutes. In the meantime, they did an ultrasound to check for internal bleeding. There was none. I was still panicking over the status of my unborn child. Then my bloodwork came back. HCG level: 1.
It was a roller coaster day: I started it out thinking by the end of the day, I'd be trying to come up with a way to tell my DH I was pregnant. I got in an accident, thought I was miscarrying, and then found out there was no baby to begin with. That was 9DPO.
Yesterday was CD29, so all day I expected my period. Did that happen? Of course not. Last night all the sudden I get this thought- maybe the blood test was a false negative because it was too early? Maybe I AM pregnant after all. DH and I try not to get our hopes up... but we both did.
This morning, using my FMU, I tested using a first response pregnancy test. After 3 minutes, I send DH into the bathroom to read it so he can break the bad news gently. Then we held each other and we both cried. DH told me that it will happen, but the fact that it will happen at some point and I just have to wait didn't really help.