It might as well be an eternity.

Why is that I should be so happy... but I'm not?

I have a job. In this economy, I should be thankful for that. But I'm upset that my hours suck my co-workers and my bosses have been grumpy and taking it out on me. I hate that since DH works 8-5, when they schedule me the evening shift, we don't see each other all day. (I was told I would get 2 evenings a week when I was hired, next week I have 3 plus Saturday.)

I should be incredibly thankful that I'm married to DH. I am, I'm very very thankful that he's mine. Sometimes I still can't believe how fortunate I am. But I still find myself thinking it's not enough. I'm not just happy to be his wife, I want to be his kid's mommy.

I should be thankful for the wonderful apartment I have. It's a very nice place (despite the lack of AC), more like a townhouse than an apartment, but priced as a cheap apartment. It's pretty, has hard wood floors, and nice open rooms. But I can't help wishing I had a house of my own. I wish I could paint and decorate and have a washer and a dryer.

I'm so close to achieving some of my goals. If all goes according to plan, by this time next year I'll be sitting in my own house and holding my baby. DH will be working and I'll be staying at home with the baby, or at least only working part time. I'm so close. But, here's the thing: I'm done with waiting. I'm so done. My patience with bad schedules and never seeing my husband is worn thin. I'm tired of stress and schedules keeping me from getting pregnant. I don't have the energy to keep doing this. I'm so close, but those 7 months might as well be an eternity.