Optimistic. If you'd asked me how I felt during my first ever 2 week wait, that's what I would've said. I'm optimistic that this is it. I felt confident, sure that I would get my positive pregnancy test. You see, when I went through my first 2 week wait, we'd already been "trying" for 6 months. It took from June to march to get my period again after the depo provera. We started trying shortly after my last shot. I got a positive ovulation test, and we did exactly what you're supposed to do in that circumstance. I remember laying on my back, completely naked with my butt up in the air on a pillow thinking "this is it! This is happening!" Guess again...
Hopeful was the emotion of the next few months. Most people conceive within 6 months of starting to try for a baby. That means there is a 1 in 6 chance it will happen this month. Each month, AF dashed my hopes.
These days, depressed is a better description of my mood. There are some hopeful moments, like when I feel nauseated or I smell something most people around me can't smell. I think to myself "is this what its like to feel pregnant?" Then I remember that every month, my body fabricates symptoms. Every month, I get my hopes up. And every month, my hopes are crushed.
Is this what it's like to feel pregnant? Or is my body making up symptoms because I want them to be there so badly? I just want to be pregnant... Is that so much to ask?
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