I know, it's supposed to be thought vomit Thursday. My bad. Today shall henceforth be the first and only thought vomit... Monday!
-did I mention I'm going to be on fmla leave from work until I get more stabilized and figure this problem out? My brother says that means I'm officially crazy now. I told him that I've probably been official since my overnight stay in the psych ward a few years ago. I don't know when I'll be back to work. Depends on how long it takes for my meds to make me feel human again. I need to be able to concentrate well enough that my patients aren't at risk of me making a mistake.
-I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow morning. My employer pays for 3 sessions as a courtesy to us. I'm hopeful that she can help me and refer me to someone that can help find a cocktail of meds that actually does work for me... Not that my primary care doc isn't amazing... I just don't think he's got the added schooling needed to know how to correctly use these drugs.
-I took my night time meds over an hour ago, but I'm still awake. How long does freaking ambien take to kick in? About an hour after I took it I started obsessing over maybe I just thought I took it and I dropped it on the floor. Maybe ally or buttons ate it. That would probably be a fatal dose of ambien at their size.... I actually crawled around on my hands and knees in my kitchen looking under everything to see if I'd dropped the pill. I didn't see it. I counted the number of pills left in the bottle and the number of days I've taken it and the correct number is missing.... So I can conclude that if it's not in it's bottle, it's not on the floor then I either took it or one of the animals did. If one of them took it instead of me, I'll be wide awake anyway so I can just take them down to the emergency vet.
I think I have OCD, thinking this plan through a lot.
I'm feeling sleepy-dopey. I think the missing ambien was in my belly the whole time! Goodnight world...
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